


Rewind

by Jitaeri



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Family Member Death, M/M, Pre-debut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25254286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jitaeri/pseuds/Jitaeri
Summary: Youngbae is cut from the group before BIGBANG’s debut, which changes his life as we know it.As much as Jiyong and Youngbae try to keep in touch, even the best of plans are not immune to the unexpected nature of life.
Relationships: Dong Youngbae | Taeyang/Kwon Jiyong | G-Dragon, Dong Youngbae | Taeyang/Park Jaebeom | Jay Park
Comments: 9
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungri fears his time is up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An idea that’s been floating around in my drafts. Based off of the “Rewind” chapter of my one shot collection, “Pieces”.

They were all standing in a straight line with their heads slightly bowed, a stance born out of respect and submission. Six boys and six racing hearts that could barely be contained were waiting in silence as the man that would decide their future gave cold assessments and criticisms about their skills and worth as a musical artist. Every compliment was followed by a scathing criticism and by this point in the program, the number of criticisms vastly outnumbered the compliments. They all knew that one of them was going to be eliminated that day and even though they were all rooting for each other, there was still an underlying sense of _please, don’t let it be me_.

Seungri wasn’t listening as President Yang continued down the row and began addressing them one by one, pointing out every single perceived fault of theirs and delivering only the occasional praise or word of encouragement. He couldn’t help but keep his head slightly bowed and his eyes on the floor. If he looked up, he’d be staring straight into the camera that has been with them for the majority of these final days of being a trainee. Seungri didn’t want to look directly into the camera: he has already garnered this negative image of being an arrogant attention seeker and he was afraid that any accidental glance towards the camera would later be edited in such a way that confirmed that negative image. He also didn’t want to come off as too prideful, though it was true that he had an incredible sense of confidence and self worth: that was just how he was as a person. 

Still, he was too scared of what the president was going to say to focus on anything. He was going to be one of the last ones to be evaluated, second to last only to Youngbae.

After delivering a scathing remark about Hyunseung’s facial expressions (or lack thereof) and the usual comment about Big Seunghyun’s stilted dancing, the president made a unusual criticism of Daesung’s singing in the last performance. He followed up with a pointed, but brief, remark about Jiyong’s leadership in the previous round and it made Seungri bristle inside a bit that Jiyong apparently had no other flaws worth mentioning.

_It’s to be expected though_ , he reminded himself gently. They all knew that Jiyong and Youngbae were going to make it no matter what, that instead of actually picking out members for a five person group, they were really picking out three people to supplement Jiyong and Youngbae’s original duo. It was never said aloud in front of them, but they all knew it to be true.

Before he knew it, Yang Hyunsuk came to a stop in front of him.

His breathing quieted. 

“Little Seunghyun,” the man began ominously and Seungri’s heart just about stopped from his tone alone. “You were one of the ones I was _most_ disappointed in during this last performance.”

Seungri gulped, but remained silent otherwise. 

“You’re the youngest and have a lot of potential yet, but your _enthusiasm_? Your _energy_ on stage?” a hard set frown appeared on Yang Hyunsuk’s face. “Compared to everyone else, it was _subpar_.”

The words hit Seungri like a sucker punch to the gut.

“I’ll try harder,” he whispered in response. He was barely able to get the words out due to the frog in his throat. Even though he managed to say it, he couldn't disguise the slight tremble in his voice that further betrayed how badly the CEO's comment had jarred him. His words seemed to have little effect on what the older man had planned to say.

“The youngest is suppose to have the _most_ energy. You’re less experienced than all of the other members, but what you lack in skill should be made up with enthusiasm,” Yang Hyunsuk went on. “What did I see up there? What do _you_ think I saw up there on that stage?”

There was a pause, but this time Seungri wasn’t able to find a voice to contradict the man. It happened every time they gathered like this, all of the trainees grouped together for Yang Hyunsuk or the other YG seniors to offer their praise or criticisms. Seungri’s usual overflowing confidence was thrashed and he was made to feel so small and insignificant, he hated it.

“A lackluster performance is what I saw," the president said with a scowl, as if it was the most deplorable thing he has ever seen. "There was no passion in any of your movements, no drive. Do you even _want_ to be on this team? Are you even _trying_?”

_Yes. I do. I am._ Seungri desperately answered inside of his head. _Please_. This time, he knew the questions were retorical. He held the silence, but couldn’t quite hold his composure as a few tears escaped from the corner of his eyes. 

With his evaluation apparently done, the president finally turned from Seungri to Youngbae. 

Seungri released what he hoped to be a quiet sigh of relief. Even if it wasn't exactly quiet, by that point he didn't really care: he was just glad that the focus wasn’t on him anymore. He was expecting the criticisms of Youngbae to be short, just as they were for Jiyong, so he quickly started to think of something he could say to salvage himself. After the unexpectedly groundbreaking tear down, he had the heart sinking feeling that the person that was going to be eliminated from the final group was going to be _him_. He could already envision the reasoning: _you’re talented, but young. You still have so much room for improvement, but it’s not going to be with this group._

  
The whole training process had been a series of ups and downs. Some days he felt worthless, but other times he felt so hopeful after being praised and complimented, he could almost taste the day he would finally achieve the stardom that he so longed for. As his mind grasped for words, Seungri also made another decision. If he couldn’t persuade the CEO to give him another chance to prove his worth, he decided then and there that he wouldn’t get hung up about it and move on to find another avenue to pursue his dreams. He didn’t want to beg for his spot on the team, it would just be too pitiful to do so in front of his hyungs and in front of the cameras. He didn’t want his last impression to the public watching and cheering him on from their TVs to be pathetic, evening though he felt like he would give up almost anything and everything to have a second chance. 

_Show them that you **can** and **will** do better_, he thought. _Show them that even if you don’t make it now, you **will** make it. Be ready. Be strong_, he encouraged himself silently as he promised that his tears wouldn’t be shed for naught.  
  
Finally, President Yang focused his attention onto Youngbae and began to speak.

“Youngbae,” Yang Hyun Suk drawled as he came to a stop in front of the boy with the eye brow piercing. Youngbae’s body stiffened as he realized that he was the one currently being addressed. “When did you start training with us?”

“Since I was twelve years old, sir,” Youngbae answered without hesitation. 

“We’ve spent so much time and energy on you,” CEO Yang continued, his eyes seemingly boring into Youngbae. “You’ve had ample opportunity to improve and grow as an artist.” Youngbae nodded slightly at this statement. It was the truth.

“So then tell me why,” the President asked, “why is it that Little Seunghyun, the one who has had the least training out of all of you, has improved _more_ than you have in these last few weeks?”

Silence. It felt like the entire room was suddenly devoid of oxygen. Everyone was in such a state of shock that not a single sound could be heard. Jiyong was so stunned that he even lifted his head from its bowed position briefly as if he couldn't quite believe what was being said. No one had expected this sudden turn of events after Seungri’s public tongue lashing.

Youngbae gulped and held back a shuddering breath. 

“Perhaps you thought that you’d be safe, considering how long you’ve been with us. Maybe that has made you complacent,” President Yang continued. “ How can you be struggling this much when you and Jiyongie have been here the longest?”

It was a retorical question, but even if it wasn't, there was no way that Youngbae could find the words to respond. His mouth became incredibly dry and the weight of Yang Hyunsuk's words hung over him preventing him from even raising his head. As the president continued to speak, Youngbae kept his head bowed so low, his chin was practically stuck to his chest.

“It’s true that Little Seunghyun has a lot to learn. He might not be as skilled as you are now, but I’m not judging you based on talent or skill alone: I’m judging you based on what qualities you can contribute to the group as a _whole_. To be frank...”

And that’s when the audio tuned out for Youngbae. It was like he had suddenly lost the ability to understand spoken language and his brain took twice as long to decipher what was being said to him. Slowly, he was able to pick up on a few key phrases and sentences.

_You have so much talent...but so little to offer the group._

_Seunghyun is a talented rapper._

_Daesung and Hyunseung will cover the main vocals._

_Maknae can dance and he has the drive and potential needed to push the group further._

_And Jiyong will be the leader, the ace. He’s our jack of all trades._

Eventually, it dawned on him. The realization came far too late, but it sent a chill down his spine all the same. Youngbae was being told that there was no room for him here, that the skills he had worked so hard to develop had no place in a group that only needed five members.

”I had high hopes for you, Youngbae, I really did. It pains me to say this, and believe me, it truly does, but...”

By that point, everyone knew exactly what was going to be said next. _No_ , Youngbae thought as he closed his eyes and waited for those fateful, final words.

“Youngbae. You’ve been selected for elimination.”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seunghyun had the distinct feeling that he should say something.
> 
> He doesn’t.

Seunghyun knew he wasn’t handling the situation well. His brain seemed unable to process the words “Youngbae” and “elimination” in the same sentence. It simply did not compute. Yang Hyunsuk’s announcement seemed to echo in the silence of the room indefinitely as nobody dared to speak or move. It was as if everyone believed that if they didn’t act on the news, they couldn’t carry on with the elimination and the words would be taken back.

It felt young and naive of them to think that, but to their credit, they _were_ young and naive, all still in their teens and barely old enough to be considered adults. 

“Youngbae,” a small voice said softly as a hand came up to grip Youngbae’s shoulder. It was Dongwook-hyung with a watery smile on his face. “You need to go pack your things.”

Youngbae nodded his head stiffly and dazedly followed their senior out of the room. Seunghyun’s arm itched to make a grab for him as he walked by, but the opportunity came and went with his arm uselessly frozen to his side.

As the door clicked shut behind Youngbae and Dongwook, Seunghyun felt a rush of anger course through him. He was frustrated with himself because he knew that if their roles were reversed, Youngbae would have reached out for him, even if only to offer a supportive squeeze on the shoulder for just that brief moment.

The room came to life again as the documentary crew began to prep for their next shot. It was an abrupt and bitter reminder that they had all sacrificed any semblance of privacy once they embarked on this journey to celebrityhood. Seunghyun could only imagine how Youngbae must have felt to have one of the most heart crushing moments of his life caught on camera to later be edited and shared with strangers for entertainment. The thought made his skin crawl and he pulled the sleeves of his hoodie down over his hands so that he could mindlessly worry the fabric between his thumb and forefinger. 

One of the documentary producers came over to the remaining trainees and gave them a rundown on what was going to happen next.

“Everyone who wants to say their goodbyes and send Youngbae off is welcome to stay. You’ll follow him to the back of the building where we have a bus waiting to bring him home,” the female producer announced. Once she saw the number of people who elected to stay, she added, “Please make your farewells brief so that the bus driver can leave on time and everyone can get their goodbyes in.”

With that finally piece of information, the room emptied out save for a single camera, the remaining five trainees, and several mentors and other staff that Seunghyun knew had been with Youngbae and Jiyong since they first joined the company at the tender age of thirteen. The adults gathered in little groups to whisper quietly amongst themselves while the trainees found their own little corner of the room to sit somewhat near each other in abject silence.

Perhaps everyone was too busy thinking of what they were going to say to Youngbae, but a quick glance at each of their faces made Seunghyun believe that they were still trying to process what had just happened. Daesung and Hyunseung were sitting next to each other looking equally numb. Jiyong sat off to the side of Seunghyun on the bench. He sat with his elbows on his knees, eyes downcast, and brows furrowed as if he was furiously ruminating over something in his head. Seungri looked the most visibly distressed out of all of them. Even Seunghyun had to admit that the moment Yang Hyunsuk parked himself in front of Seungri and started verbally eviscerating him, he truly thought the youngest would surly be chosen for elimination. The conflicting feeling of relief and simultaneous guilt Seungri must be feeling right now...Seunghyun does not envy him in the slightest.

It was times like this where he felt the most pressure to “act his age”. The eldest was supposed to take charge, they were supposed to offer guidance and words of comfort to the younger ones when things go wrong. But Seunghyun has never felt like the oldest in this group. The eldest is usually the leader, but Jiyong assumed the role so naturally that there has never been a question as to who was going to lead their training sessions or keep everyone in line. Youngbae was Jiyong’s right hand man - he took charge in instances when Jiyong couldn’t and was the person everyone went to when they needed someone to talk to. They were only a year apart, yet there were countless nights where Seunghyun found himself talking about everything and nothing with Youngbae. Even if he never got around to saying what troubled him, Youngbae would just listen to him talk and unload his grievances on him in the form of word vomit that even he couldn’t decipher sometimes. Youngbae would always be what you need in that moment - a leader, a listener, an older brother, a mischievous dongsaeng. 

Looking at all of his dongsaengs and knowing how they were all feeling at that moment, Seunghyun had the distinct feeling that now would be the perfect time for him to say something. To be uplifting, supportive, or just plain empathetic because he was feeling all the same things too. He wrestled with the feeling for a few seconds, but it ultimately dies before he can even gather up the courage to act on it.

Seunghyun was the eldest but he didn’t want to be. He never wanted to be the leader like Jiyong, nor his second in command like Youngbae. He didn’t want to be the first to speak up or the one to fix the mood. Seunghyun just wanted to be a rapper and a good son first and foremost. Everything else was just gravy.

It seemed that he wasn’t the only one that thought the silence had been dragging on for too long. Hyunseung peaked up from his messy mop of hair and asked a question that everyone else was probably secretly wondering too.

“So...is this it? Once Youngbae-hyung gets on that bus and leave, it’s just...over for him?” 

“Does he just not debut as a member of BIGBANG? Does it mean that he’ll go solo or...or that he’s completely let go from the company?” Seungri added, his voice faltering a bit at that last question.

“No, they wouldn’t just kick him out of the company. They’ve invested too much in him.” Even Seunghyun himself was surprised at his comment and how reasonable it seemed as he continued. “Youngbae is talented and he’s learned a lot from being here for so long.”

“Maybe he’ll choose to leave,” Daesung said in a whisper. “Go to a different company, debut in a different group.”

There was a beat of silence as they all considered that option. It was possible, of course. A number of trainees or potential trainees spent a few months or even years at YG and then decide of their own accord to leave or pursue a different company. Others drop out and decide not to pursue a career in music at all due to various reasons - they couldn’t keep up with the training schedule, they thought they’d have a better chance of entering the workforce or going to college than to make it big as an idol, or perhaps family problems are holding them back. 

_Would it be strange to see Youngbae on stage one day without us?_ Seunghyun wondered. 

Jiyong was the last one to speak up and true to being the leader, he brought an end to their doom spiraling speculation and instead fed them a measure of hope.

“Guys, we don’t need to take it so seriously. Whatever happens, it’s not like we’ll stop being friends with him, right?”

Jiyong said it in a tone that made it seem like they were silly for being so dramatic. His tone softened somewhat as he said the next part. 

“We don’t have a lot of control over what happens next, but we _can_ control our actions. If we want stay in contact with Youngbae, then we can simply choose to do just that.” 

Seunghyun felt a shift in the air after Jiyong spoke. Even the tightness in his own chest seemed to loosen somewhat over the thought that everything wasn’t totally out of his control. The younger ones seemed to be consoled by Jiyong’s words and Daesung even cracked a small smile by the end of it.

It didn’t escape Seunghyun’s attention, however, that the nails on Jiyong’s left hand had been bitten down to the quick and when he returned to his seat on the bench, he immediately started working on the ones on his right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I initially planned this to be a three or four chapter thing, but it might actually be a bit longer than that considering it's chapter 2 and Youngbae hasn't even left yet. I guess we'll see how far I can take this thing.


End file.
